Tomorrow is the first day of the Gauley season and ARG is in W.V. gearing up to run the upper section down to Woods Ferry. All 4 founding members of ARG are on the trip, plus assorted strap-hangers, scions, former ACC royalty, Short Republicans, under-haired Democrats, retirees, mugs, pugs, thugs, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, and ... Methodists.
(You can all thank us later for leaving the state, which was the obvious cause of all that solid blue on Fish's river levels page)
I don't think I'll be going out on a limb if I say that I think I'll be first member of the RBF on the Gauley (although Cap'n Downstream, a perpetual RBF wannabe (some things are just so sad), has run the Gauley several times (OC1, oar rig, R3)). Ranger Rick and Jimbob (a/k/a Lippo, the Short Republican, Monkey Head, Branson Boy, Tulip Girl, The Man With No Nicknames, etc.) have both been on it once, so I'll be the last one. in ARG to be baptised.
Trip/carnage reports to follow.
ARG TO THE GAULEY - FINAL TRIP REPORT
ARG TO THE GAULEY - FINAL TRIP REPORT
Last edited by davidbob on Thu Sep 11, 2008 8:36 am, edited 2 times in total.
Debo & The Stay Puft Marshmallow Men - Manager and Groupie Coordinator
RBF - Legal Counsel
ARG - Founding Member and Scribe (currently banned)
Team Stupid - Senior Sweep Boat Captain Division
RBF - Legal Counsel
ARG - Founding Member and Scribe (currently banned)
Team Stupid - Senior Sweep Boat Captain Division
-
Dee Tucker
- .
- Posts: 44
- Joined: Mon Sep 12, 2005 12:27 pm
Re: ARG to the Gauley
Of course, you'll have the good taste not to mention that I spoke to you.
Re: ARG to the Gauley
I'm was to guess things ARG could stand for but finally figured it was just the sound they made after a day of paddling
grant
Trip Report - 1st installment
The first weekend of Gauley season is in the books. The ARG* + friends group is heading home. In 3 days on the Gauley including 5 oar rig runs, 5 paddle boat runs, and 1 sweep boat run (and I cannot stress this enough), not a single raft was flipped.
* ARG = Arkansas Raft Guides
Friday we ran the upper Gauley. Cap'n Downstream rowed the 20' DIB in a zen-like melding of boat with a central tenet of ARG theory (Bigger is Better). Ranger Rick aka "The Gauley Shaman" rowed a 16' footer. Ross Noland captained a 14' paddle raft crewed by Rodney Kestner and Marcell Jones. Captain James R. "Jimbob," "Lippo," "The Short Republican," "Monkey Head," "Branson Boy," "Tulip Girl," and "The Man With No Nicknames," Mitchell was the C.O. of Marcell's 14' Hyside. I rode the back left tube and served as 1st Asst. Raft Captain, Gil "Tin Man" Wooten was in front of me, and Tim “Tim Man” Eubanks, my kin,** was front right (with 2 of the 4 Founding Members of ARG on board, this boat was principally responsible for establishing the "ARG Line" on the Gauley).
** Interesting historial fact (I swear I'm not making this up): Tim Man's wife Cindy is my first ex-wife's third husband's nephew's ex-wife.
Our Friday run was a milestone in a couple of respects: it was the first time on the Gauley for Marcell, Tim Man and me; and it was the first time anyone from the RBF has run the Gauley (I think) (although I did see a lot of fat hairy men, so who knows? - kenny may have run it in a different lifetime).
The upper Gauley has 5 solid Class V rapids in a 6 mile stretch, so some amount of meaningful experience is just about an absolute necessity for any chances of success. Cap'n Downstream and the Gauley Shaman had rowed it before. Ross has been on it too, but didn't remember anything and neither of his crewmen had ever done the upper before. Lippo and Tin Man had done it too, but their collective recollection was about as useful as what I learned in my Admiralty class in law school.***
*** Interesting historial fact Number 2: Bill Clinton was the professor who taught Admiralty (aka "Boats") that semester (Ranger Rick was in that class too). Interesting historial fact Number 2a - Hillary! was really REALLY ugly then (pre makeover)).
The 1st Class V on the Gauley is called Insignificant. "There's a huge hole and an undercut rock at the bottom on river right, so whatever you do, don't go there" was Cap'n Downstream's excellent advice, which we promptly ignored. The ARG paddle boat didn't even wait for the first the big hole at top of the rapid to knock us right - we just headed over there anyway. Somewhere in the small house-sized boulder garden down the right side we got hung up long enough to get pushed into the LARGE house-sized boulder above the "Avoid This Hole at All Costs" hole, which luckily forced us to spin. 180 degrees into the spin we were to able to locate the top lip of the monster hole, which we then paddled into backwards. "Paddled into" is probably not an entirely accurate description - "Fell into" is more like it. We don't know how we survived, but we eventually flushed out into the pool below (after practicing a couple more "rock/spin" moves). The ARG Line at Insignificant is certainly interesting, even exciting (in the same way that the Evil Knievel line at the Snake River Gorge was interesting and exciting). Neither the oar rigs nor the non-ARG paddle boat had any problems, although Marcell's shouted commands could be heard several rapids upstream and downstream (which was weird because he wasn't the captain).
The next Class V is Pillow Rock. The guide book says it drops 25' in 50 yards. All the water in the river smashes to the left into the massive Pillow Rock, then this huge boiling mass of froth crashes down to the right at a 90 degree angle into Volkswagen rock several feet downstream. We scouted it, and my first thought was "Where's the toilet paper?" I think it's a little easier run for oar rigs, since they can pull hard to back off Pillow Rock. For paddle boats the run is through a confusing wave train down river right trying to find a big hole (that is probably a Class IV in its own right) that you can punch to slow you down enough to keep from ramming Pillow Rock and flipping and/or winding up in the Room of Doom. Locating the hole was a fairly easy task for us as we seemed to have had no trouble hitting every bad hole on the river to that point. The end result was that all 4 rafts ran Pillow clean, although Marcell's voice was loud enough to set off car alarms in adjoining states.
The third Class V is an incredibly long rapid called Lost Paddle. Our run was something of a pinball-like blur to me, and, when we pulled into a little moving eddy on river left to celebrate our victory, I just remember being relieved it was over and that I still had a pulse. Then Cap'n Downstream slid in beside us with the good news that we were only about halfway down the rapid, and we eased over a little drop and the violence started up again. I think we changed time zones before we finally reached the bottom, where we were able to celebrate in earnest by getting partially pinned and filling up with water. As the tube on my side started to disappear I scrambled to the high side and we were somehow able to free ourselves so we could move a little further down and get hung again. The other rafts had apparently clean runs, as Marcell's voice was no louder than the sound of a space shuttle launch. Lost Paddle is one really cool rapid (no kidding).
I feel I should digress here just a bit and tell you about protocol in the ARG raft. Not only did our raft captain employ the standard set of universally recognized raft commands, he tossed in few of his own as well. Lippo's most frequent command (on Day 1 at least) was "Oh s**t!", with "This ain't good" a close second. These commands usually preceded furious and uncoordinated bursts of unproductive paddle thrashing, spinning, and backwards runs through huge holes, waves, or into rocks.
End of Part 1 (am posting from I-40 in Tennessee using my Blackberry and my thumbs are tired). Part 2 will include fish counts, updates on Marcell's decibel level, and information on new ARG line routes through Pure Screaming Hell, Iron Ring, and Sweet's Falls.
* ARG = Arkansas Raft Guides
Friday we ran the upper Gauley. Cap'n Downstream rowed the 20' DIB in a zen-like melding of boat with a central tenet of ARG theory (Bigger is Better). Ranger Rick aka "The Gauley Shaman" rowed a 16' footer. Ross Noland captained a 14' paddle raft crewed by Rodney Kestner and Marcell Jones. Captain James R. "Jimbob," "Lippo," "The Short Republican," "Monkey Head," "Branson Boy," "Tulip Girl," and "The Man With No Nicknames," Mitchell was the C.O. of Marcell's 14' Hyside. I rode the back left tube and served as 1st Asst. Raft Captain, Gil "Tin Man" Wooten was in front of me, and Tim “Tim Man” Eubanks, my kin,** was front right (with 2 of the 4 Founding Members of ARG on board, this boat was principally responsible for establishing the "ARG Line" on the Gauley).
** Interesting historial fact (I swear I'm not making this up): Tim Man's wife Cindy is my first ex-wife's third husband's nephew's ex-wife.
Our Friday run was a milestone in a couple of respects: it was the first time on the Gauley for Marcell, Tim Man and me; and it was the first time anyone from the RBF has run the Gauley (I think) (although I did see a lot of fat hairy men, so who knows? - kenny may have run it in a different lifetime).
The upper Gauley has 5 solid Class V rapids in a 6 mile stretch, so some amount of meaningful experience is just about an absolute necessity for any chances of success. Cap'n Downstream and the Gauley Shaman had rowed it before. Ross has been on it too, but didn't remember anything and neither of his crewmen had ever done the upper before. Lippo and Tin Man had done it too, but their collective recollection was about as useful as what I learned in my Admiralty class in law school.***
*** Interesting historial fact Number 2: Bill Clinton was the professor who taught Admiralty (aka "Boats") that semester (Ranger Rick was in that class too). Interesting historial fact Number 2a - Hillary! was really REALLY ugly then (pre makeover)).
The 1st Class V on the Gauley is called Insignificant. "There's a huge hole and an undercut rock at the bottom on river right, so whatever you do, don't go there" was Cap'n Downstream's excellent advice, which we promptly ignored. The ARG paddle boat didn't even wait for the first the big hole at top of the rapid to knock us right - we just headed over there anyway. Somewhere in the small house-sized boulder garden down the right side we got hung up long enough to get pushed into the LARGE house-sized boulder above the "Avoid This Hole at All Costs" hole, which luckily forced us to spin. 180 degrees into the spin we were to able to locate the top lip of the monster hole, which we then paddled into backwards. "Paddled into" is probably not an entirely accurate description - "Fell into" is more like it. We don't know how we survived, but we eventually flushed out into the pool below (after practicing a couple more "rock/spin" moves). The ARG Line at Insignificant is certainly interesting, even exciting (in the same way that the Evil Knievel line at the Snake River Gorge was interesting and exciting). Neither the oar rigs nor the non-ARG paddle boat had any problems, although Marcell's shouted commands could be heard several rapids upstream and downstream (which was weird because he wasn't the captain).
The next Class V is Pillow Rock. The guide book says it drops 25' in 50 yards. All the water in the river smashes to the left into the massive Pillow Rock, then this huge boiling mass of froth crashes down to the right at a 90 degree angle into Volkswagen rock several feet downstream. We scouted it, and my first thought was "Where's the toilet paper?" I think it's a little easier run for oar rigs, since they can pull hard to back off Pillow Rock. For paddle boats the run is through a confusing wave train down river right trying to find a big hole (that is probably a Class IV in its own right) that you can punch to slow you down enough to keep from ramming Pillow Rock and flipping and/or winding up in the Room of Doom. Locating the hole was a fairly easy task for us as we seemed to have had no trouble hitting every bad hole on the river to that point. The end result was that all 4 rafts ran Pillow clean, although Marcell's voice was loud enough to set off car alarms in adjoining states.
The third Class V is an incredibly long rapid called Lost Paddle. Our run was something of a pinball-like blur to me, and, when we pulled into a little moving eddy on river left to celebrate our victory, I just remember being relieved it was over and that I still had a pulse. Then Cap'n Downstream slid in beside us with the good news that we were only about halfway down the rapid, and we eased over a little drop and the violence started up again. I think we changed time zones before we finally reached the bottom, where we were able to celebrate in earnest by getting partially pinned and filling up with water. As the tube on my side started to disappear I scrambled to the high side and we were somehow able to free ourselves so we could move a little further down and get hung again. The other rafts had apparently clean runs, as Marcell's voice was no louder than the sound of a space shuttle launch. Lost Paddle is one really cool rapid (no kidding).
I feel I should digress here just a bit and tell you about protocol in the ARG raft. Not only did our raft captain employ the standard set of universally recognized raft commands, he tossed in few of his own as well. Lippo's most frequent command (on Day 1 at least) was "Oh s**t!", with "This ain't good" a close second. These commands usually preceded furious and uncoordinated bursts of unproductive paddle thrashing, spinning, and backwards runs through huge holes, waves, or into rocks.
End of Part 1 (am posting from I-40 in Tennessee using my Blackberry and my thumbs are tired). Part 2 will include fish counts, updates on Marcell's decibel level, and information on new ARG line routes through Pure Screaming Hell, Iron Ring, and Sweet's Falls.
Last edited by davidbob on Fri Sep 12, 2008 10:32 am, edited 7 times in total.
Debo & The Stay Puft Marshmallow Men - Manager and Groupie Coordinator
RBF - Legal Counsel
ARG - Founding Member and Scribe (currently banned)
Team Stupid - Senior Sweep Boat Captain Division
RBF - Legal Counsel
ARG - Founding Member and Scribe (currently banned)
Team Stupid - Senior Sweep Boat Captain Division
Re: ARG to the Gauley
Good story Legal Weasel! Can't wait to hear the exciting conclusion! I'm taking notes for when Team Stupid visits the Gauley a few weeks from now.
- Fish
- Fish
Re: ARG to the Gauley Trip Report - Final Installment
Thx Fish. Wish I could go with you. The main qualification for a successful Gauley trip is braindead fanaticism for big water (Team Stupid is definitely not underqualified).
Interesting Side Note: Here is a website with video of all the rapids on both the Upper and Lower Gauley. There is some carnage, but most of the rafts in the videos follow the raft guide lines rather than the ARG Lines through the big stuff. http://www.gauleyriverrapids.com/index.htm
The 4th Class V on the Upper Gauley is Iron Ring, which is more of a drop or double drop than a rapid. The good news about that is that whatever happens to you happens fast and then it's over in a hurry (ditto for Sweet's Falls). There's a good lunch spot right at the rock shelf where the Iron Ring used to be, and it's an easy scout. We watched raft after raft hit the line and glide right over both drops. We watched one small R2 with a girl on the right tube go down the entire rapid and make only one (1) paddle stroke. A shredder followed her and made maybe 2. All nine of us stood there looking at the rapid and analyzing the current pattern, location of the waves, wind speed, the effect of Northern Lights and Sun spots, computed the effect of the crew's various astrological signs on our collective biorhythm cycle, and then got in our raft brimming with confidence and certain of a good clean run, which we immediately botched.
The guides and other experienced boaters set up for the first drop by running left to right then hitting a little tongue that takes you over the first drop and sets you up on another narrow tongue between 2 holes over the second drop. The ARG Line was to run left to right forgetting that nothing looks the same from the water as it did when scouting from above, turn too soon and hit the Woodstock Hole on the left side head on. We got some serious hang time before taking the hit and flushing out. The non ARG paddle raft apparently liked our line because they followed us over the second drop in the same spot a few seconds later. We looked around just in time to see the Avon dump Marcell in the river. Several fish in the pool below suffered permanent hearing loss before Marcell bobbed up and Ross and Rodney pulled him in the raft. Cap'n Downstream and Ranger Rick cruised over with no problems.
Since scouting Iron Ring proved to be so effective we decided to scout Sweet's Falls, the last Class V. Scouting Sweet's is such a popular activity that someone built a redwood walkway, steps and observation area. We could clearly see the 14' drop, the misty rooster tail behind Dildo Rock on the left side, and the crease just to the right of it that you aim for with a little left angle, hoping that it straightens you out and doesn't flip you. To the right of the crease the river drops over the falls forming a nasty looking recirculating hydraulic. As we walked back down the hardwood sidewalk little did I know that I was getting ready to join Cap'n Downstream's Gauley Smallmouth Bass Club.
Back in the raft we once again forgot the rapid looks totally different from the river than from the bank. Cap'n Downstream went first. Although we couldn't see anything but the horizon line after he dropped over, we later learned he hit the crease, got knocked out of his seat, but stayed in his raft. Ranger Rick went next and said later he came closer to flipping there than anywhere else* in his rafting career (which, I'll add, is extensive). Ross's raft also hit the crease and made it over, with the sound of Marcell's voice registering a 6.5 at the Philippine Institute of Volcanology and Seismology. We, on the other hand, mistook Dildo Rock for the crease and headed straight for it (unbeknownst to us the crowd gathered below had already started to cheer when they saw us bypassing THE line in favor of the ARG Line). One of the guidebooks says: "There is a fifteen foot margin of error that separates a successful line from fireworks and flying bodies." The ARG Line was way outside the fog lines as we center punched Dildo Rock and taco-ed the raft. I don't remember much, but I do remember looking between my legs and wondering why the sky was where the water should be and vice versa. Also, Tin Man seemed to be hanging upside down from his knees in the raft. Just about then I completed my 1 1/2 twisting somersault and hit the froth somewhere near the bottom of the drop. I was under for awhile, and had plenty of time to count the Smallmouth bass and chat with a few who remembered the Cap'n and Tin Man from their swim at Sweet's a few years earlier. My swim wasn't bad, just furious as I headed for one of the eddies on river left upstream of a jumble of rocks called Box Canyon that makes the 3 sisters look like a kiddie pool. I reached the eddy and turned around to see Lippo bobbing in the water behind me and the raft upright with Tin Man and Tim Man still in it (Tin Man said he felt the wind from the ejection as Lippo flew by him).
* Interesting Historical Fact No. 3: Pinning a Super Puma on a cedar tree on Lower Richland and requiring a Z Drag extraction apparently doesn't count.
Lippo swam to the last eddy above the downstream rocks. As I walked over to check on him I noticed those same redwood steps we'd just walked down a few minutes ago were only about 10' away and said "Lippo - weren't we just here?" This was one of the two best lines of the day, the other being directed by Ranger Rick at a dense lamb chopped raft guide (probably a kayaker) at the put in as all 9 of us were sweating, grunting, and wrestling with the DIB to get it down to the water from the parking lot (the DIB, when fully rigged out, is large and heavy enough to have its own gravitational field). The guide: "You gonna put that thing on the water?" Ranger Rick: "No. We're just carrying it around."
The last 2 miles of the run would have been totally uneventful except that Marcell decided to take a goober swim at Gillespie's Hole (III) within sight of the takeout. The ARG paddle raft enjoyed the show as Ross and Rodney tried to pull him in while his throw rope waist pack kept getting hung on the side of the Avon.
The final score for ARG vs Gauley on Day 1 was deemed to be a solid tie.
The second day we did the Lower Gauley from Woods Ferry to Swiss. We had the same line up as before except Cap'n Downstream rigged the DIB as a sweep boat. Before we even launched a kayaker coming downstream asked the Cap'n the most frequent question of the day: "Sir, what is THAT?" (the second most frequent question posed to the Cap'n on Day 2 was: "Where are you from.") We didn't talk to anyone who had ever heard of a sweep run down the Gauley before. Pictures of the DIB at Koontz Flume are here.
The first big rapid on the lower is Koontz Flume. The Cap'n went first after advising us to "run down the right along the wall" (sounded easy enough). We watched him as he ran down the right along the wall. The guidebook says: "The main feature of this one is a giant undercut boulder on the right side of the river. Be sure not to get pushed over there." By now you should have no trouble guessing what the ARG Line was in this rapid. We went too far right, gave Tim Man a good view looking down into the huge hole above the big rock, crashed the hole, took the hit, and spun into the undercut rock. Our rock/spin move practices the day before served us well and we survived to fight another day.
Photos of our impressive run down the ARG Line at Koontz are here (we're the blue raft):
(Tim Man and Tin Man are staring straight at the undercut rock in the last photo)
Ross's raft and Ranger Rick headed for the middle of the rapid, bounced through some sporty waves and holes, and had time to smile for the camera (which apparently didn't snap any pictures).
The entry to Upper Mash is shallow and choked with boulders that make it very technical, especially for a sweep boat. This was a problem for the DIB as the Cap'n needed to make a 90 degree move about 15' to the left in moving water (a virtual impossibility in a sweep boat). He tangled with a huge hole then got stuck on a rock. All we could see from upstream was the handles of the sweep oars waving around wildly, untouched by human hands. He figured out a way to get unstuck without help and the other 3 rafts bumped, spun, and negotiated our way down behind him.
Things really start to pick up below the Mashes, and the rapids come at you much faster in the last half of the Lower run. Everybody in all 4 rafts enjoyed Stairstep, a long and technical Class III that unfortunately resulted in no carnage to be reported here. Upper and Lower Stairstep probably have the best wave trains on the river.
At Cliffside the river makes a 90 degree turn at the bottom of the rapid and the water in the channel is funneled through a chute between a large boulder on the right and the cliff face on the left. Raft Captain Lippo put the back left tube of the ARG paddle raft next to the wall. I stared a 5' high wall of water right in the face, poked it in the nose, and spit in its eye. ARG was clearly making a comeback.
About this time it starting raining. Captain Lippo advised me to take over as he dug into his day bag to wipe the lens of glasses. He then informed me if it rained any harder he would be blind for all practical purposes and that, as 1st Assistant Raft Captain, I would be in command. That was okay because I read water well and could pick an ARG Line as well as Lippo. However, my commands leave a little to be desired. I have 2 - "Paddle GD It!" and "Whoa!" Neither Tim Man or Tin Man wanted the job, so I was it. And Pure Screaming Hell (Class V ) was right around the corner.
The run at Pure Screaming Hell is a long approach leading to a pair of large holes, Purgatory and Hell Hole, in addition to a very dangerous undercut sieve on the far right. In the pool above we heard a commercial raft guide describing the run to her crew and we eavesdropped. Based on her explanation I think she did her doctoral dissertation on PSH, then she had memorized it, line for line, and was repeating it to her customers while they looked at her with pure unblinking incomprehension. The whole thing made my head hurt. We gave up on her and decided on a new theory. With a blind raft captain and a complicated rapid, why not follow somebody down who knew what she was doing? Another commercial raft (Wildwater #49) with an apparently knowledgeable guide on the back was in front of us so I suggested that we get behind her and stay there all the way down. Cap'n Downstream was a little ahead of us with no ability to stop or even slow down the sweep boat, but why worry about him in that big monster DIB? We cut in line behind #49 and bump drafted her all the way down, swapping paint with her in just about every hole. We ran clean, then turned around to see the Cap'n spinning the DIB around on the rock above Hell Hole, which then surfed him for a little while. He wanted to blame us for crowding him and forcing him to miss a crucial oar stroke, but self proclaimed ARG President Ranger Rick invoked ARG rules** to dismiss the protest.
** Rule 6: It's always Stewart's fault.
Day 2 ended with some confusion about the location of the take out. Ranger Rick pointed to the beach where we thought our vehicles were parked and asked another private rafter: "Where are we?" "This is the Gauley River" was the response. On that note we stacked 4 rafts on Ranger Rick's trailer and returned to Carnifax Ferry Cabins # 8 and 9 to enjoy gin and juice as we watched the end of Wake Forest's victory over Ole Miss (no word yet on whether The Dumbest Coach in America has a special text/data package on his Ole Miss cell phone - the vision of our former coach chewing his fingernails as the winning (or, in his case, losing) field goal sailed through the uprights made us decide to count his chins - our assessment was that his agent was able to get him a Cracker Barrel Double Platinum Gravy Club Card as part of his compensation package).
Day 3 was back to the Upper Gauley. Ross shuttled us then left for D.C. Rodney rowed the 16' footer. Ranger Rick jumped in the DIB with Cap'n Downstream and they swapped off. Marcell got in the ARG raft. What a difference a second run in 3 days makes.
Since we were planning to drive part of the way back to Arkansas after we took off, and scouting on Day 1 had proved to be mostly useless, we decided to just read and run everything. Rodney had a clean run down all 5 Class Vs and all the smaller ones too. The ARG paddle raft abandoned the ARG Line and ran all the big rapids just like you're supposed to, which you wouldn't have realized if all you had was the audio from the runs through the 5 Class Vs (Marcell's voice was loud enough to trigger emergency locator transmitter detection devices in the F.A.A. satellite system). Ranger Rick did make Iron Ring interesting, finding a new ARG Line down the right side below the first drop, hanging the DIB on a rock and doing a 360 between the 2 drops. It is unclear whether he recovered because of pure dumb luck,*** skill, divine intervention, or the Bigger is Better principle.
*** Interesting (and entirely coincidental) Historical Fact No. 4 - Cap'n Downstream rowed the DIB down Sweet's Falls a few minutes later.
Tim Man, finally realizing that, by swimming at Sweet's Falls on Day 1, Lippo and I had exposed ourselves to danger so that he and Tin Man could stay safe, recognized our sacrifice by doing a back flip off the ARG raft at the takeout (or so I'm told - I was rowing the 16' footer by then to spell Rodney).
So what are the long term implications of ARG's trip to the Gauley? 1. The ARG Executive Committee will meet soon to discuss and re-evaluate the status of the non ARG participants.**** 2. My first ex-wife's third husband's nephew's ex-wife organized a meeting of the WWW (whitewater wives) while we we gone, and they elected Tin Man "Whitewater Husband of the Year" (Tim Man came in second, and all other ARG Gauley trip participants came in tied for dead last with zero votes apiece). 3. Tin Man converted to Mormonism (the FLDS kind) and is moving to Utah with the ARG wives and significant others. 4. ARG has not taken an official position as to whether this is a good thing or a bad thing.
**** Except for Marcell, who is banned for life (possibly making him eligible for ARG's Pete Rose Division).
Respectfully Submitted,
Davidbob
Co-Founding Member and Grand Wizard, ARG
Legal Counsel to the RBF
Interesting Side Note: Here is a website with video of all the rapids on both the Upper and Lower Gauley. There is some carnage, but most of the rafts in the videos follow the raft guide lines rather than the ARG Lines through the big stuff. http://www.gauleyriverrapids.com/index.htm
The 4th Class V on the Upper Gauley is Iron Ring, which is more of a drop or double drop than a rapid. The good news about that is that whatever happens to you happens fast and then it's over in a hurry (ditto for Sweet's Falls). There's a good lunch spot right at the rock shelf where the Iron Ring used to be, and it's an easy scout. We watched raft after raft hit the line and glide right over both drops. We watched one small R2 with a girl on the right tube go down the entire rapid and make only one (1) paddle stroke. A shredder followed her and made maybe 2. All nine of us stood there looking at the rapid and analyzing the current pattern, location of the waves, wind speed, the effect of Northern Lights and Sun spots, computed the effect of the crew's various astrological signs on our collective biorhythm cycle, and then got in our raft brimming with confidence and certain of a good clean run, which we immediately botched.
The guides and other experienced boaters set up for the first drop by running left to right then hitting a little tongue that takes you over the first drop and sets you up on another narrow tongue between 2 holes over the second drop. The ARG Line was to run left to right forgetting that nothing looks the same from the water as it did when scouting from above, turn too soon and hit the Woodstock Hole on the left side head on. We got some serious hang time before taking the hit and flushing out. The non ARG paddle raft apparently liked our line because they followed us over the second drop in the same spot a few seconds later. We looked around just in time to see the Avon dump Marcell in the river. Several fish in the pool below suffered permanent hearing loss before Marcell bobbed up and Ross and Rodney pulled him in the raft. Cap'n Downstream and Ranger Rick cruised over with no problems.
Since scouting Iron Ring proved to be so effective we decided to scout Sweet's Falls, the last Class V. Scouting Sweet's is such a popular activity that someone built a redwood walkway, steps and observation area. We could clearly see the 14' drop, the misty rooster tail behind Dildo Rock on the left side, and the crease just to the right of it that you aim for with a little left angle, hoping that it straightens you out and doesn't flip you. To the right of the crease the river drops over the falls forming a nasty looking recirculating hydraulic. As we walked back down the hardwood sidewalk little did I know that I was getting ready to join Cap'n Downstream's Gauley Smallmouth Bass Club.
Back in the raft we once again forgot the rapid looks totally different from the river than from the bank. Cap'n Downstream went first. Although we couldn't see anything but the horizon line after he dropped over, we later learned he hit the crease, got knocked out of his seat, but stayed in his raft. Ranger Rick went next and said later he came closer to flipping there than anywhere else* in his rafting career (which, I'll add, is extensive). Ross's raft also hit the crease and made it over, with the sound of Marcell's voice registering a 6.5 at the Philippine Institute of Volcanology and Seismology. We, on the other hand, mistook Dildo Rock for the crease and headed straight for it (unbeknownst to us the crowd gathered below had already started to cheer when they saw us bypassing THE line in favor of the ARG Line). One of the guidebooks says: "There is a fifteen foot margin of error that separates a successful line from fireworks and flying bodies." The ARG Line was way outside the fog lines as we center punched Dildo Rock and taco-ed the raft. I don't remember much, but I do remember looking between my legs and wondering why the sky was where the water should be and vice versa. Also, Tin Man seemed to be hanging upside down from his knees in the raft. Just about then I completed my 1 1/2 twisting somersault and hit the froth somewhere near the bottom of the drop. I was under for awhile, and had plenty of time to count the Smallmouth bass and chat with a few who remembered the Cap'n and Tin Man from their swim at Sweet's a few years earlier. My swim wasn't bad, just furious as I headed for one of the eddies on river left upstream of a jumble of rocks called Box Canyon that makes the 3 sisters look like a kiddie pool. I reached the eddy and turned around to see Lippo bobbing in the water behind me and the raft upright with Tin Man and Tim Man still in it (Tin Man said he felt the wind from the ejection as Lippo flew by him).
* Interesting Historical Fact No. 3: Pinning a Super Puma on a cedar tree on Lower Richland and requiring a Z Drag extraction apparently doesn't count.
Lippo swam to the last eddy above the downstream rocks. As I walked over to check on him I noticed those same redwood steps we'd just walked down a few minutes ago were only about 10' away and said "Lippo - weren't we just here?" This was one of the two best lines of the day, the other being directed by Ranger Rick at a dense lamb chopped raft guide (probably a kayaker) at the put in as all 9 of us were sweating, grunting, and wrestling with the DIB to get it down to the water from the parking lot (the DIB, when fully rigged out, is large and heavy enough to have its own gravitational field). The guide: "You gonna put that thing on the water?" Ranger Rick: "No. We're just carrying it around."
The last 2 miles of the run would have been totally uneventful except that Marcell decided to take a goober swim at Gillespie's Hole (III) within sight of the takeout. The ARG paddle raft enjoyed the show as Ross and Rodney tried to pull him in while his throw rope waist pack kept getting hung on the side of the Avon.
The final score for ARG vs Gauley on Day 1 was deemed to be a solid tie.
The second day we did the Lower Gauley from Woods Ferry to Swiss. We had the same line up as before except Cap'n Downstream rigged the DIB as a sweep boat. Before we even launched a kayaker coming downstream asked the Cap'n the most frequent question of the day: "Sir, what is THAT?" (the second most frequent question posed to the Cap'n on Day 2 was: "Where are you from.") We didn't talk to anyone who had ever heard of a sweep run down the Gauley before. Pictures of the DIB at Koontz Flume are here.
The first big rapid on the lower is Koontz Flume. The Cap'n went first after advising us to "run down the right along the wall" (sounded easy enough). We watched him as he ran down the right along the wall. The guidebook says: "The main feature of this one is a giant undercut boulder on the right side of the river. Be sure not to get pushed over there." By now you should have no trouble guessing what the ARG Line was in this rapid. We went too far right, gave Tim Man a good view looking down into the huge hole above the big rock, crashed the hole, took the hit, and spun into the undercut rock. Our rock/spin move practices the day before served us well and we survived to fight another day.
Photos of our impressive run down the ARG Line at Koontz are here (we're the blue raft):
(Tim Man and Tin Man are staring straight at the undercut rock in the last photo)
Ross's raft and Ranger Rick headed for the middle of the rapid, bounced through some sporty waves and holes, and had time to smile for the camera (which apparently didn't snap any pictures).
The entry to Upper Mash is shallow and choked with boulders that make it very technical, especially for a sweep boat. This was a problem for the DIB as the Cap'n needed to make a 90 degree move about 15' to the left in moving water (a virtual impossibility in a sweep boat). He tangled with a huge hole then got stuck on a rock. All we could see from upstream was the handles of the sweep oars waving around wildly, untouched by human hands. He figured out a way to get unstuck without help and the other 3 rafts bumped, spun, and negotiated our way down behind him.
Things really start to pick up below the Mashes, and the rapids come at you much faster in the last half of the Lower run. Everybody in all 4 rafts enjoyed Stairstep, a long and technical Class III that unfortunately resulted in no carnage to be reported here. Upper and Lower Stairstep probably have the best wave trains on the river.
At Cliffside the river makes a 90 degree turn at the bottom of the rapid and the water in the channel is funneled through a chute between a large boulder on the right and the cliff face on the left. Raft Captain Lippo put the back left tube of the ARG paddle raft next to the wall. I stared a 5' high wall of water right in the face, poked it in the nose, and spit in its eye. ARG was clearly making a comeback.
About this time it starting raining. Captain Lippo advised me to take over as he dug into his day bag to wipe the lens of glasses. He then informed me if it rained any harder he would be blind for all practical purposes and that, as 1st Assistant Raft Captain, I would be in command. That was okay because I read water well and could pick an ARG Line as well as Lippo. However, my commands leave a little to be desired. I have 2 - "Paddle GD It!" and "Whoa!" Neither Tim Man or Tin Man wanted the job, so I was it. And Pure Screaming Hell (Class V ) was right around the corner.
The run at Pure Screaming Hell is a long approach leading to a pair of large holes, Purgatory and Hell Hole, in addition to a very dangerous undercut sieve on the far right. In the pool above we heard a commercial raft guide describing the run to her crew and we eavesdropped. Based on her explanation I think she did her doctoral dissertation on PSH, then she had memorized it, line for line, and was repeating it to her customers while they looked at her with pure unblinking incomprehension. The whole thing made my head hurt. We gave up on her and decided on a new theory. With a blind raft captain and a complicated rapid, why not follow somebody down who knew what she was doing? Another commercial raft (Wildwater #49) with an apparently knowledgeable guide on the back was in front of us so I suggested that we get behind her and stay there all the way down. Cap'n Downstream was a little ahead of us with no ability to stop or even slow down the sweep boat, but why worry about him in that big monster DIB? We cut in line behind #49 and bump drafted her all the way down, swapping paint with her in just about every hole. We ran clean, then turned around to see the Cap'n spinning the DIB around on the rock above Hell Hole, which then surfed him for a little while. He wanted to blame us for crowding him and forcing him to miss a crucial oar stroke, but self proclaimed ARG President Ranger Rick invoked ARG rules** to dismiss the protest.
** Rule 6: It's always Stewart's fault.
Day 2 ended with some confusion about the location of the take out. Ranger Rick pointed to the beach where we thought our vehicles were parked and asked another private rafter: "Where are we?" "This is the Gauley River" was the response. On that note we stacked 4 rafts on Ranger Rick's trailer and returned to Carnifax Ferry Cabins # 8 and 9 to enjoy gin and juice as we watched the end of Wake Forest's victory over Ole Miss (no word yet on whether The Dumbest Coach in America has a special text/data package on his Ole Miss cell phone - the vision of our former coach chewing his fingernails as the winning (or, in his case, losing) field goal sailed through the uprights made us decide to count his chins - our assessment was that his agent was able to get him a Cracker Barrel Double Platinum Gravy Club Card as part of his compensation package).
Day 3 was back to the Upper Gauley. Ross shuttled us then left for D.C. Rodney rowed the 16' footer. Ranger Rick jumped in the DIB with Cap'n Downstream and they swapped off. Marcell got in the ARG raft. What a difference a second run in 3 days makes.
Since we were planning to drive part of the way back to Arkansas after we took off, and scouting on Day 1 had proved to be mostly useless, we decided to just read and run everything. Rodney had a clean run down all 5 Class Vs and all the smaller ones too. The ARG paddle raft abandoned the ARG Line and ran all the big rapids just like you're supposed to, which you wouldn't have realized if all you had was the audio from the runs through the 5 Class Vs (Marcell's voice was loud enough to trigger emergency locator transmitter detection devices in the F.A.A. satellite system). Ranger Rick did make Iron Ring interesting, finding a new ARG Line down the right side below the first drop, hanging the DIB on a rock and doing a 360 between the 2 drops. It is unclear whether he recovered because of pure dumb luck,*** skill, divine intervention, or the Bigger is Better principle.
*** Interesting (and entirely coincidental) Historical Fact No. 4 - Cap'n Downstream rowed the DIB down Sweet's Falls a few minutes later.
Tim Man, finally realizing that, by swimming at Sweet's Falls on Day 1, Lippo and I had exposed ourselves to danger so that he and Tin Man could stay safe, recognized our sacrifice by doing a back flip off the ARG raft at the takeout (or so I'm told - I was rowing the 16' footer by then to spell Rodney).
So what are the long term implications of ARG's trip to the Gauley? 1. The ARG Executive Committee will meet soon to discuss and re-evaluate the status of the non ARG participants.**** 2. My first ex-wife's third husband's nephew's ex-wife organized a meeting of the WWW (whitewater wives) while we we gone, and they elected Tin Man "Whitewater Husband of the Year" (Tim Man came in second, and all other ARG Gauley trip participants came in tied for dead last with zero votes apiece). 3. Tin Man converted to Mormonism (the FLDS kind) and is moving to Utah with the ARG wives and significant others. 4. ARG has not taken an official position as to whether this is a good thing or a bad thing.
**** Except for Marcell, who is banned for life (possibly making him eligible for ARG's Pete Rose Division).
Respectfully Submitted,
Davidbob
Co-Founding Member and Grand Wizard, ARG
Legal Counsel to the RBF
Last edited by davidbob on Fri Sep 12, 2008 10:43 am, edited 17 times in total.
Debo & The Stay Puft Marshmallow Men - Manager and Groupie Coordinator
RBF - Legal Counsel
ARG - Founding Member and Scribe (currently banned)
Team Stupid - Senior Sweep Boat Captain Division
RBF - Legal Counsel
ARG - Founding Member and Scribe (currently banned)
Team Stupid - Senior Sweep Boat Captain Division
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Dave Smith
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- Posts: 89
- Joined: Tue Jul 05, 2005 11:38 am
Re: ARG to the Gauley - Final Trip Report
OMG that's the funniest thing I've ever read on here 
Re: ARG TO THE GAULEY - FINAL TRIP REPORT
ARG raft stack
Bigger is Better
Listing to port
Debo & The Stay Puft Marshmallow Men - Manager and Groupie Coordinator
RBF - Legal Counsel
ARG - Founding Member and Scribe (currently banned)
Team Stupid - Senior Sweep Boat Captain Division
RBF - Legal Counsel
ARG - Founding Member and Scribe (currently banned)
Team Stupid - Senior Sweep Boat Captain Division
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