Bad stories

[Cowper]

Damn good thing Dale never gave the signal. I thought I was supposed to do a tracheotomy or something. If you need your car broken in to, I'm your man, but if you need cutting, make sure Dale is available.

I'm just glad Dale no longer has to eat lunch through a funnel. You know you're with a bad a** when you're on Richland and everyone else is crunching granola, and Dale unfolds the tube and pours lunch into the funnel 'cause he isn't cleared for solid food yet.

[ARzach]

Damn good thing Dale never gave the signal. I thought I was supposed to do a tracheotomy or something. If you need your car broken in to, I'm your man, but if you need cutting, make sure Dale is available.

So this just made me laugh loud enough for the lady living in the apartment below me to bang on her ceiling to make me shut up....As humorous as that is, I bet Cowper, you don't even know you've been one of my biggest hero's in regard to Arkansas boating lore since I was about 14.

Dale, from everything I have heard or read, you are one of those special super-hero's that lives in almost every small community, albeit boating or otherwise, but chooses to avoid recognition at almost all costs. I have an incredible respect for you even though we have never met. I only hope I can make it to the Halloween bash so that I have the honor of meeting you, and of course partaking in Shelby's "infamous" chili...

[canoe]

4 Big Sandy stories. We had 1st run it a day after leading a BFO who supposedly knew the Cheat Gorge, and his girlfriend down the Cheat. We had never been there before and ended up babysitting all day. On the shuttle out, BFO says we couldn't run Big Sandy because it was "too technical for open boats". Needless to say, we cleaned it. Couple years later, Franklin R Bursk runs Big Splat and complains that he is cold. Turns out his Lifejacket is sitting on the ground at the putin. We get to takeout, and about 100 police are there, tell us someone had seen a body in the river just below the bridge and their cadaver dogs had alerted at the rapid just below. The yakkers searched the rapid till dark, but came up empty. Local sheriff treats us to supper that night and again the next year. Tells us its a good thing we hadn't found the body since it was missing a head, hands and feet. Seems some convicts had escaped and went on a rampge, killing 5-6 people before being caught. Couple of years later, put in at a big level, I dump my boat just above Wonder Falls, boat runs Wonder Falls, I make it to bank just before the drop. Motor Sims gets in his yak, runs the Falls in order to chase my boat, fails to buckle chin strap, gets hammered in the hole at bottom and swims. He eventually finds his boat, but not helmet and runs the rest of the river sans hat. I walk the whole river looking for my boat, never find it. The rest of the crew have issues, which eventually lead to shouting match between acouple of well known prominant boaters, a thrown helmet and paddle and a challange to a fight. Eventually, someone sees my boat under an undercut just above the last drop on Big Splat, tells me at the takeout, we go back to putin walk down, CARRY MY BOAT BACK TO PUTIN. a VERY LONG DAY. A few years later, I had by now run Big Splat a few times, this time I hit an underwater tree above the approach rapid, flipped, rolled, ran the aproach full of water, flipped in the hole at the bottom of the approach, rolled' flipped and on my next try to roll tore out my thighstraps, swam as hard as I could left, trying to bodyboof Splat. ended up swimming as far river right as possible, landed on the flake rock at the bottom, circulated behind the Falls a couple of times, flushed underneath a couple of logs, popped up downstream of the flake rock missing my booties and bottom of my dry suit. Me, two other docs, charlie walbridge, and a physical therapist thought my hip was broke. Only way out is downstream, tried strapping my left(good) leg in my boat and keeping weight off right leg. Didn't work so well, ended up paddlig a sit on top inflatable out. Ambulance met us at take out, the young hot blonde EMT, was drunk, put me in a pediatric hip immobilizer, transported to Morgantown, wher I had to explain to police and docs that I hadn't planned on swimming Splat-not sure they believed me. 6 hours later the concensus was that my hip probably wasn't broke. I did spend 6 months on crutches and a cane however. Last BS storey, David wilbanks had just put a new Porshe engine in his Volkswagon van, but didn't put a drag plate on. Busted oilpan on way out, limped to countrystore, called around, the quickest we could get an oilpan was going to be several days. Bought as much oilas the store had, and made our way to a mechanic down the road at literally DARK HOLLOW W. Va. He would have been closed except he stayed open late so Charlie Walbridge could pick his vehicle up before running BS at dusk. Mechanic allowed he could proably braise the oilpan, and it might hold, but just so happens, he had a new Porshe engine in his backyard, would we mind if he just swapped out oilpans. $40 and 40 minutes later we are on the road again. Karma.. Dale

[Fish]

Glad to have these stories recorded here for posterity. I've hear them before around the campfire. I ain't trying to top any of these!

Thanks Dale.

- Fish

[Renee H]

Wow, Dale - these are great stories! It is always a pleasure to paddle with you. You have had some rough times - it is inspiring to know you stuck with it. I did go back to Richland Monday and it was the first time back since my battle with Apple Pie. I was privileged to have a strong group of boaters looking out for me that day: Scott, Lance, Shelby, Tim, Ray and Ernie. Of course, the day Apple Pie tried to eat me, I was privileged to have people like you, Cowper, Tim, Billy, etc. to make sure everything was okay. I just realized that day the importance of paying attention to where you are on the river and not to worry with chaos downstream. Cowper was an excellent leader and had I been focusing on my lines behind him, I would not have problems. Guess it has been a learning experience for me. The best advice I have heard is "don't worry about what is going on downstream or what is down there - you worry about going from this eddy to the next eddy." Sometimes it is hard to listen to your husband but that is the best advice I've had on running harder rivers.

[canoe]

Watuaga story only tangently related to paddling. I had been running Watuaga for about 18 years, when Shelle did a geneolgy search. Turns out my Barton ancestors where one of the 1st families to move into eastern Tenn. after leaving Rocky Mount Va. rather suddenly(Something to do with who actually owned some horse they had in their possesion). I had run Stateline falls for years before learning that there is a Barton Ridge visible downstream from the falls. Dale

[okieboater]

But going back in my memory, I clearly remember the good story of when I met em!

This was back in the glory days of The Tulsa Wave. Steve Plisco and I had purchased a couple of Sleeks. We were way too heavy for them, but they surfed like a dream on the T Wave.

One winter, Upper Richland came up. Steve wanted to see if he could run Richland in his Sleek. I said no way, I'm taking my full sized Corsica.

Steve did real well, put on quite a show at all the major rapids. We stopped just above the last drop, Maytag. I went ahead down the drop and pulled in behind the rock to watch Steve's run.

For some reason known only to Steve, he veered around and started surfing the big pressure hole in front of the rock. For a few seconds it was great till the tail caught and Steve twisted over, I saw a paddle reaching for the surface and got ready to chase him down if need be.

Steve came up on a one handed paddle brace and hollering like crazy. I think he dropped his paddle. He told me he had dislocated his shoulder. Some how we got his boat over to the nearest shore (river left) and him out of the kayak.

Steve was in great pain and would not let anyone touch his arm. Finally I talked him into letting me make a arm sling from my rescue PFD belt. I had read some where that this would help ease the pain of a dislocation. I got him slinged up and his arm slightly elevated and tied to his chest. Steve had to walk down the bank to the bridge and over to the parking lot.

We got the boats over and convinced steve to lay on his back on a picnic table with his arm to the side hanging down. I had read some where that this was a way to get the arm back in the socket. I asked him to try to raise his hand up like he was making the hitch hike thumb signal. Steve would not let us touch him but did seem to be in less pain. We loaded up.

Like every one, I had heard all the wild stories about Doctor Dale and the rivers he ran, but never actually met him. Someone (this might have been Dave Robertson's first Upper Richland float) said Dale and Pam were at their cabin.

We took Steve to the cabin. I had attempted to get Steve to let me get his arm out of his new dry suit, no way.

We got out, went inside. Told Dale the story and I hitched a ride down to the putin to retrieve my Truck.

Got back to the cabin. Steve was setting on the couch, smiling big time with his dry suit off, and a Tequilla bottle in his good hand.

I asked Dale what he did to Steve to reduce the pain and get that dry suit off him. Dale smiled, said sometimes Teguilla is the best medicine going. I asked him about getting the shoulder back in the socket and Dale said it was back in, so maybe the picnic table procedure worked.

It was after dark, Pam insisted we eat dinner (they had eaten already but she cooked up more food for us). We were gonna camp, but I decided it would be best to load Steve up in the recliner captains seat in my big Dodge truck and get him back to Tulsa. Dale agreed. And gave me a couple pain relievers for Steve when the Tequilla wore off.

Steve mostly slept all the way back to Tulsa. I got him in his apartment and resting on his sofa.

Got a few hours sleep and went over to see about Steve. He was in pretty good shape and would not go to the hospital. So I made sure he was as comfortable as could be under the circumstances and went back home.

I thought man, this is one heck of a good Doc to have around on a river trip and Pam sure can cook.

Later on I got to go on a couple multiday river trips with Dale and Pam and found out just what a fine couple they are. One day on the Middle Fork, Dale let me row his small cataraft. That was my first time to row alone on a river. Because of that and with the guidance of Walter Felton I ended up with a 18 Foot Aire Leopard cataraft - and my fun factor went up even higher on western river trips.

I never tire of hearing about Dale's adventures.

Sure thing, he is an action hero for all of us boaters. There are two heros tho on this team, no way I can count the shuttles Pam has run for us or the food she has cooked for every one who showed up.

I know the title of this thread is "Bad Stories" but to me there are many more "good" stories about Dale and Pam that need exposure as well.

Dave Reid

[sbarton]

Those Watuaga relatives were even more amazing than just stealing horses. Grandfather Joshua Barton was also a signer of the Watauga Petition, which was the first time any Americans declared themselves independent from England, about five years before the Declaration of Independence even existed. Apparently the Bartons always had an independent streak and a tendency to do crazy s**t :).

Great stories, Dad! I keep telling you we need to put together a book -- I have graduate degrees in writing forgodsake. Which, by the way, is the fault of everyone you've ever paddled with. I grew up listening to this stuff around the campfire. How could I not end up a writer?

Love ya! -- Shelle

[RTF]

I always consider getting to boat with Dale a privilege, but not any more of a privilege than having him as a family physician. Thanks. Todd

[RandyJ]

Couple years later, Franklin R Bursk runs Big Splat and complains that he is cold. Turns out his Lifejacket is sitting on the ground at the putin... Dale

Franklin Bursk. Now there's a name I've not heard in a long, long time. That guy was a piece of work. "Best kayaker to ever come out of Earle, AR." Met him the first year I boated. Was at the Ocoee with Mike Beard, Kenny Holmes, et al. Seems that Franklin and maybe John Barton with him had had a run-in with the county authorities on the drive in along Hiway 64 that runs alongside the river. "Boys, you was drivin' 60." Not sure how anyone could drive 60 mph alongside the Ocoee, but if there was a way, I'll be Bursk coulda done it.

Anywho, in all these years, I think I've only boated with Dale one time. It was on the Upper Nanty. Let's just say it was a memorable experience and leave it at that. Respect, Dale.

RJ

[canoe]

Actually, Franklin R Bursk was the worlds greatest jewish paddler from Earle Arkansas. (One of the original Doobie brothers(not the the band),) as immortilized by William Nealy, in Whitewater Home Companion. Shelle has a song dedicated to Franklin, but i can't find it right now. John, any help here? Dale

[sbarton]

I seem to remember that the chorus went something like "Franklin is Crrrrraaaaazzzzyyyyyyyy."

[RandyJ]

Yeah, that's right, the Doobie Brothers - forgot that. Quote: "A legend in his own slime." (Mike Beard). Of all the times I saw him, he had one pair of shorts he paddled in - worn out in all the wrong places. Probably lots more we could say, but the guy could boat, and kept things entertaining on and off the river.

[T Yamashita]

I remember showing up to camp at the nantahala a few years ago and running in to some open boaters from W VA. They still talk about Dale over there....

[canoe]

I bet they were Tim Ed Spangler, Lynn Aycock-Spangler, Liz Fraizer. Tim and Lynn are the only folks I ever saw tandem(OC2) the Russell Fork(boofing the bottom move at El Horrendo), and Upper G. Dale