No pants, no boat, no problem! - A Cossatot trip report!

[Gordon Kumpuris]

"Do not over think this!" I over confidently proclaimed to Liz Caldwell and Heather "Lupe" Huckeba, referring to the drop at Devils Hollow Falls on the Cossatot Sunday afternoon. Never-mind the wind was blowing so hard there where whitecaps on the whitecaps, driving the wind chill to what had to be the 20's. Nevermind that Harlen "no drawers" Hughes had borrowed my dry pants at the put in, effectively lowering my body temperature and cognitive reasoning to that of a domestic frozen turkey.
"Just follow me" I said. "Aim for the very visible rooster tail of water on river right". I then lined up left and eased right toward the drop. Wait...Something was amiss! I hesitated... Where was the very visible rooster tail? Too late... Over I went into a much more violent than expected drop. The Devil spun me at the lip and dropped me over the falls, sliding sideways into its jaws near the bottom. I stopped there for a a few seconds before managing to punch my boat out and flee its grasp. Clearly, I had really messed up. How could I have picked the wrong line? I had run what I thought was the same line at least a dozen times! I turned quickly and looked upstream to see Liz powering over the lip. Her line was perfect. That is, perfectly identical to mine! She careened over the drop and slammed into the same trough, also sideways. She braced, braced again and maybe again, then capsized. Her head popped up a time or two.

Now, there is a rescue priority progression acronym called RETHROG (reach, throw, row, go) which serves as a how to guide to logically assist a victim. Each step progressively increasing the odds of potentially adding to the victim count. In real life, this mental punch list clicks off in a couple of seconds. Both Walter "Eat Water" Felton, the rescue rock star, (downstream on river right) and I had checked off RETHRO. We were realizing that "G" was going to be measured with a clock vs a stopwatch. That's when I discovered another little known acronym to the official rescue progression. P.M.S. "Provide Moral Support." Helplessly, I screamed "get out of the $&@# boat!!" "I can't," she responded. At which point I yelled "bull feathers !" Or some other form of verbal PMS. She had fortunately leaned downstream. Seconds later, she found a way to pop her sprayskirt and squirt free from the Devil's teeth, sans boat and paddle. Walter the rescue rock star, tagged Liz with a rope and managed to retrieve her kayak with minimal assistance from me. Meanwhile, Heather, watching my frantic, unintelligible river signals from upstream, chose wisely and headed safely to the right bank to portage. I pled guilty on the spot, throwing myself to the mercy of Judge Felton who postponed sentencing upon further review of the evidence and consultation with the victim.

[Lupe]

There are many important lessons to learn from Sunday's Cossatot trip, but let's start at the beginning.

Loaning Dry Pants to a Fellow Boater
This is a generous and noble gesture. However, before deciding to loan a critical piece of gear to another paddler, there are some key questions which must be answered. In the case of Dry Pants, a key question is: if I no longer have Dry Pants to put on, will I violate any existing Public Indecency Statutes by wearing inadequately intact Hydroskin tights? If the answer is "Yes, I could be booked on violations of moral conduct," then one should seriously reconsider loaning out those Dry Pants. Let's just say that Liz and I were scarred long before we ever got to Devils Hollow Falls. Thankfully, Gordon seems to have realized his error, and he relegated himself to stay sealed up in his kayak for the entire duration of our lunch break, while the rest of us huddled against the rock wall at Dead Dog Beach to eat our lunch.

Come to think of it, I now recall another harbinger of things to come. When discussing the loan of said dry pants, Gordon commented to our group..."Harlen's a good boater, so he really shouldn't even need the dry pants." Right then I believe we all should have recognized that Gordon was not demonstrating good judgement, and all further advice from him the rest of the day should have been ignored.

Yes, in hindsight (ouch, that brings back bad memories of those Hydroskin pants) all the tell-tale signs of impending doom were there.

[Tim Eubanks]

So......what were HDH's options if Gordon hadn't loaned the pants?

[SteveGabbard]

Judge Felton will probably allow Judge Liz to do the sentencing.

[Chicago Bob]

Harlan would have been forced to get wet while swimming something that is familiar to him. Remember the words of the immortal bard, William Shakespeare "Neither a borrower nor lender be". Wisdom from the 16th century long before Harlan. BOB

[hdh]

If its any consolation, While setting safety for a first timer in the esses, with my usual grace ,fell in chest deep. The for-mentioned Dry Pants were not so dry, but better than nothing!!!!!!! Thanks

PS.....I have never told anybody I was good, nor have I ever been confused with it !!!!

Man it was COLD!!!

Again Thanks Gordon.

[Roger]

Man it was COLD!!!

I told you that at the cabin before you got there!

[we66erno1]

I'd loan my gear to anyone who i've roped out of below the machine and has run the the Tellico. Those kind of people have got MAD SKILLS. Besides, they can tell me where my tent is.

[Cowper]

And you thought following Gordon was a good idea because...???

[Gordon Kumpuris]

Apparently Rescue Rockstar Felton in a rare lapse in judgement suggested as much.

[Lupe]

Well, I hope no one's ego has been bruised in the telling of the tale...just making light of what actually was a scary situation, if only for a few dreadfully long seconds. It wasn't that scary for me as I couldn't actually see what unfolded from the eddy above the drop...only that I had seen Liz go over the lip, and that she then did not reappear below the drop like she should. For Gordon and Walter who actually had to see her pinned, first heads up, and then apparently pinned upside down, those few seconds were I know rather breathtaking for them (and let's not forget that Liz wasn't exactly having a whole lot of fun at that point either).

For my part, I actually had wanted to go right after Gordon, but let Liz follow next because I thought I was being nice to let her follow right behind him so she could see the line the best (you know...the "line" that it turned out wasn't there!). Oops.

Harlan - glad you were able to make good use of Gordon's dry pants setting safety for your group! As I mentioned, Gordon stayed safely ensconced in his kayak (for which we were all grateful) and so that was a good loan for the day by all means!