Rat Snakes, Rubber & Root - Cossatot Trip Report

[davidbob]

You might find it odd that an ARG (Arkansas Raft Guides) Cossatot trip report would begin by talking about snakes. But, great literature, like great rock music, needs a hook. So snakes it is.

As everyone in the Arkansas paddling community knows, Cowper's name is synonymous with punctuality. As a result of his FIFO approach to boating he's always the first to set the shuttle, launch, run the river, and crack open a cold one at the take out. But Saturday was different. Somehow a rat snake went feral inside the Cowper/Debo hacienda and he had to look for it before he could head out for the 'Tot (his wonderful spouse and her band (Debo and the Stay Puft Marshmallow Men) were practicing in the garage, and rat snakes HATE disco music). So, Cowper's snake search delayed him, causing him to be among the LAST to arrive at Ed Banks bridge. Eat Water (who was just shoving off): "Cap'n Downstream and ARG left a few minutes ago." Cowper: "See you in June!"

Speaking of Ed Banks bridge, many thanks to whatever governmental agency is responsible for blocking the entrance with huge boulders, making it much harder to get rafts from shuttle vehicles to the water. Apparantly our great nation's Air Traffic Control System is vulnerable to sequestration-related budget cuts (no safety issue there), but the line item for Moving Large Stones Into Places That Annoy Rafters is not (Regnat Populus my a$$).

The ARG lineup consisted of Ranger Rick and I rowing a Super Puma and a Spider, and Cap'n Downstream, Buttload and Seth (a 'Tot first timer?) R3ing a Super Puma. Eat Water met us at 10 at the take out to set the shuttle. Lots of kwakheads (20? 25?) and several open boats (including Lupe, who gets major props from the RBF* for having the good sense to abandon her little plastic death trap of a kayak for a Mad River Outrage). When we launched the river was running about 4.2, a nice level (current has covered most of the rocks but hasn't gotten pushy).

* Speaking of Lupe and the RBF, I think one of her first trips with ACC types was about 10 years ago on the treacherous Poonanny section of the Mulberry (Redding to Turner Bend). That was back when Kenny** had two good hips and a rubber chicken on his helmet. We "showed her the lines" and displayed the type of hospitality and boating skills that make the RBF the elite paddling organization that it is today. As I recall (Heather correct me if I'm wrong), she had just moved or was in the process of moving to Arkansas from Oklahoma, and her first real Arkansas paddling day trip companions were members the RBF. Talk about her lucky day. I like to think she has risen to a leadership position in the ACC because, after that experience, she had nowhere to go but up. You're welcome, Lupe.

** Speaking of Kenny (the soul and beating heart of the RBF), he's just back from Mayo Clinic with a new left hip. In 6 to 8 months if everything goes well with the left hip they'll put the right one back in too. That will be a good thing because the ACC without Kenny is like, I don't know, the Buffalo without hog farms (No. Wait a minute. That's a bad thing. Anyway, you get my drift).

But I digress - back to 'Tot. Cap'n Downstream and the paddle boat disappeared immediately around the corner at Z Drag or Z Curve or Zig Zag or whatever the name of that first rapid is. I tangled with the overhanging cedar tree because that's just how I roll. Whatever boat I'm in must be attracted to the resin in that tree, because I always manage to hit it with my boat, helmet, PFD, paddle, oar, gunwale, tube, frame, painter, etc.). This time I attacked it with my right eye. "Hey David - there's a tree there," was Ranger Rick's helpful advice (AFTER it nearly undressed me).

The Esses were filled in at this level and so were a little less fun than usual. We caught up to the paddle boat at Sand Bar bridge and said hi to Billy Williams who had driven down, "waiting for the weather to warm up." The paddle boat disappeared again, but slowed enough above the Falls for a few of us to catch it. The rafts ran Cossatosser and Eye Opener, then boat scouted BMF and the Machine. There wasn't quite enough water to run them over the top so we ran the conventional line (perpendicular to the drop then a hard right turn at the bottom), and set up ropes below. Not one rope exited the bag as everybody who ran stayed upright or rolled up (although the Cannonball rock did kiss the bottom of Eat Water's Whitesell, resulting in one of the quickest low braces I've ever seen. Ranger Rick said he almost threw his rope anyway, but didn't because ARG does not exist for the purpose of having fun at the expense of others).

After the Falls section about half of the kwakheads carried back up to campground. A few (way to go Dan-O!) ran the Machine twice. There was minor carnage at Whiplash and Shoulderbone that is too insignificant to mention because it did not involve a kayak. Then lunch at Dead Dog Beach.

During lunch the aforementioned Cowper showed up, dragging Lazar, the Impossibly Named Ginger Root and a couple of others with him. That's when Tom Sawyer (disguised as Cowper) asked ARG for help white washing his fence (i.e., picking up trash). Sensing the worst, Ranger Rick preemptively banned him from ARG, but somehow we got sucked in anyhow, forming a new division of ARG in the process - the DWFCDTC* Division (*Dumba$$es Who Follow Cowper Down The Cossatot). Actually, come to think of it, I may have started it all when I carried a tiny little plastic bag around Dead Dog Beach offering to carry kayaker's lunch trash to the take out (one of many public services that ARG offers to the greater paddling community). The Cap'n made it worse by finding older trash lying around. Then Cowper/Tom Sawyer took it upon himself to fill up the ARG rowing rigs with whatever he could find between lunch and the take out (including a jagged, rusting, corroded, half of a piece of tin whistle, at which ARG drew the line ("Jagged" and "rubber" do not play well together)).

The run through the seemingly always bony Devil's Hollow Rapid was routine, although maybe I should mention my brief pin at the top of the rapid and slightly longer pin at the bottom (but I ran a perfect line though the middle 50 feet) (personally I blame it on the weight of the trash added to my raft (thank you Cowper/Tom Sawyer)).

About half of us ran the middle line at Devil's Hollow Falls, and about half ran the drop a few feet off the right bank. The Cap'n and the paddle boat had long since commenced their sprint to the take out, which I found odd because I had the keys to our shuttle rig with me in my raft and Walter (who was behind me) was taking the drivers back to the Ed Banks in his rig (oh well - we don't call him Cap'n Downstream for nuthin'). The Tom Sawyer Trash Recovery Expedition took Ranger Rick along a new route down the flatwater part of the 'Tot (the mile or so above the take out), which changed the Cossatot River to Cossatot Creek to Cossatot Ditch to Cossatot Mud Flat to Cossatot Drag-Your-Raft-Thru-The-Underbrush-Back-To-The-Channel.

The trip back to LR was unremarkable, except for Buttload's unexplained inability to divide $60 by 3 (Me: "Gordon - why didn't you just put $60 worth of gas on your debit card and the $40 cash that Rick and I gave you in your pocket? Gordon: "Because I'm not that (expletive deleted) smart").

No information yet on the whereabouts of the rat snake (or Debo and the Stay Puft Marshmallow Men's next gig).

P.S. I didn't see it (and we all know that ARG trip reports adhere to the highest journalistic standards for accuracy), but Lazar reports that the Impossibly Named Ginger Root (who refers to her Significant Other other as the Impossible Lance Jones (good comeback, GR!)), reports that the bow of GR's kayak got bucked up by the wave at (Eye Opener?) and did a spectacular back flip. Because of the delay caused by Cowper's rat snake search they were way behind the main group when it happened. ARG regrets that the lack of eyewitness confirmation prevents that event from receiving greater coverage in this report.

[perspective7]

Yeah, that was my first time on the Tot and the first in a raft...I think our line a at Devil's Hollow falls was pretty sweet. A mis-communication led to us running it sideways...pretty fun actually. I'll have a video by at least the end of the week.

[gma06001-]

Thanks for the post! I've been meaning to ask around for a good level to raft the cossatot at. I've got an old riken/campways miwok (14 ish ft) bucket boat that was getting thrown out from our fws shop in utah and ive got the frame and all. Most of the pieces are old fws stuff or river booty that couldnt be used on our shocking boats. Hoping to get the frame welded up this week. Ive also got a lace in self bailing floor from a much newer riken to put in it this summer. Hopefully ill see the ARG out sometime.

Mitchell Allen

[Cowper]

Those of you on Facebook may have already seen my take on this, but here it is again for the rest of you:

When I arrived at Dead Dog beach and realized ARG had already and without prompting picked up two bags of trash, I threw out my earlier evaluations of this group and knew immediately I wanted to be a member. Much to my delight, a few minutes later they bestowed on me the highest honor imaginable, when I became the first person to ever be banned from the group prior to his induction ceremony! But as a banned and now disgruntled former-almost member, I can share a secret with my kwakhead friends: you no longer have to vacate eddies like roaches fleeing the kitchen lights when you see the RBF coming, for I know what they fear! Just strap a 2 foot by 3 foot piece of metal culvert with sharp rusty edges to your front deck, and you will live in fear no longer, for the RBF will not come closer than shouting distance!

[dogpatch]

Davidbob, your trip reports are legendary. Just when we thought they were beyond improving, you proved us wrong.

[Tim Eubanks]

Yeah, that was my first time on the Tot and the first in a raft...I think our line a at Devil's Hollow falls was pretty sweet. A mis-communication led to us running it sideways...pretty fun actually. I'll have a video by at least the end of the week.

Seth, thanks for giving me a shuttle back up to 246. My pre-arranged shuttle never materialized. Hope you got to paddle again on Sunday. You were lucky to have that crew for your first time down the Tot and in a raft with BL and Cap'n downstream.
We managed to successfully pull off the mid-river mystery move at Devils Hollow Falls.

[perspective7]

NP Tim. I'm wishing I would have taken my kayak down after watching the footage, but ya gotta try something new every once in a while. I didn't boat the next day cuz of the wind and the cozy warmth of my sleeping bag which I stayed in until 11!

[Lupe]

...including Lupe, who gets major props from the RBF for having the good sense to abandon her little plastic death trap of a kayak for a Mad River Outrage...Speaking of Lupe and the RBF, I think one of her first trips with ACC types was about 10 years ago on the treacherous Poonanny section of the Mulberry (Redding to Turner Bend). That was back when Kenny** had two good hips and a rubber chicken on his helmet. We "showed her the lines" and displayed the type of hospitality and boating skills that make the RBF the elite paddling organization that it is today. As I recall (Heather correct me if I'm wrong), she had just moved or was in the process of moving to Arkansas from Oklahoma, and her first real Arkansas paddling day trip companions were members the RBF. Talk about her lucky day. I like to think she has risen to a leadership position in the ACC because, after that experience, she had nowhere to go but up. You're welcome, Lupe.

Wow, DavidBob you have a very good memory! You are indeed correct (not that I was going to correct you otherwise)! I was a wide-eyed terrified noob, facing down the mighty waters of the Mulberry with just a farmer john and splash jacket on my back, and all I remember were all these idiots who kept trying make me paddle across eddy lines which they knew darn well were just going to make my kayak flip over. Were you in that bunch!?!?! I do remember Kenny! And this was back when the Mulberry actually still had water that pushed into features like Sacroiliac or Zeke's Headache!

You know reviewing Saturday's Personal First Descent of the Cossatot in my canoe vs. that Mulberry first descent on some winter day so many years ago...I was definitely WAY MORE TERRIFIED on the Mulberry!

[DeBo]

I'll have you know that DeBo and the Stay Puft Marshmallow Men does not play disco. We play punk and Ska and the rat snake is fine; he joined the band.

[c8mb]

Hmmmmm.....is this true?

[davidbob]

Hmmmmm.....is this true?

While the OED (and not a cell phone app) is the official lexical resource of ARG, it is true nevertheless. Technically, ARG is an acronym.